3 Things Men Need to Tell Their Wives in 2014, Part 1

Three Things Men Need to Tell Their Wives in 2014

Shelton Easley

Every January 1, people all over the world sit down and make a list, either writing it out on paper, typing it in an article, or just thinking about it and keeping it in their own mind, the list of this new years’ Resolutions.  They do this because the new year brings the promise of a new start, and with it the chance to finally do the right thing in some part of their life.  Some people might think they need a complete do-over in life as a whole.  Whatever the case might be, they start January 1 full of hope and energy and determination.  This is the year they finally lose weight, or get control of their finances, and the list goes on.   There has been no success, but there has also been no failure.  It’s only January 1!  (Hey, everybody needs encouragement, whatever form that might take!)

I am no stranger or exception to the New Years’ Resolution game.  I have made many more resolutions than I have kept.  Most of them have been the classic Weight Loss! resolutions.  Many had to do with improving my relationship with God and family.  They were all well-intentioned and strongly desired.  However, like a dry forest in a hot summer, they almost all went up in smoke and flames, burned and buried in the ashes of lost years.  My habits didn’t change, and the things about myself that I hoped would improve did not get better, and sadly, in many cases became worse.

So that we don’t get lost in the drama and over-contemplation that seems to be chasing these thoughts, let’s move on to the real heart of the matter for today.  I am one who feels very strongly that a man should be the acknowledged and respected leader of his household.  This a God-given position from the very beginning of scripture.  Genesis 3:16 says,

“Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”  

This position was reiterated in the New Testament, as Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:23-24,

“23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”  

Large libraries worth of works have been produced by people who want to argue this point, both for and against.  Many hours have been spent on talk and news programs doing the same.  A recent book released by Candace Cameron Bure (Yes, that’s Kirk’s baby sister), has stirred that pot again because in one passage, Candace discusses the fact that she is a submissive wife.  Now, I’m not trying to debate the merits of this argument one way or the other.  The main reason is because I am a Christian man who believes that God’s word says that man is to take the ultimate leadership role in the family, and with that, the ultimate responsibility for the outcome of family dynamics.  (Ladies, do you really want that?)  So, in keeping with that premise, I want to give you guys three things that you should resolve to tell your wives in 2014 that will go far in helping you to take control of your role as leader of the family.   

1.  I love you!

Yes, I have heard the old joke.  “She knows I love her.  I told her I loved her on our wedding day, and if that ever changes, I’ll let her know.”  Can I say, in family-friendly and God-approved language, that is a bunch of bull hockey!  It is also redneck, backwoods, sexist, egotistical, chauvinist, and completely unbiblical.  The bible is filled with scripture that tells us how God loves us.  Here are some examples:

Mark 10:23  Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him and said to him, "One thing you lack : go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven ; and come, follow Me."

John 11:3  So the sisters sent word to Him, saying, "Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.

John 13:34  A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

John 15:9  Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.

John 3:16  For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Ephesians 5:2   walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

Ephesians 5:25-30  25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing ; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself ; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body.

So, apparently, God loves us, and Jesus Christ loves us!  How do we know this?  Because they tell us!  This should be an earthshaking truth for any of us, especially those of us who are already Christ-followers.  Not only does the God who created the universe love us, but He cares enough to let us know, not just once, but many times.  

Now this same God thought so much of us that He didn’t want us to be alone, so He created men and women, and then gave them to each other in the first marriage.  Genesis 1 and 2 tell the story of creation, including marriage and the family.  The passage in Ephesians 5 details to us how a man should treat his wife.  Men, we are told that we should be willing to sacrifice all for our wives.  We are to make decisions as if we were only affecting our own bodies.  Finally, we are to do all we do so that the world sees our wives in the best way possible.  The only way that we can do this is to love them unconditionally and without reservation.  

Men, if you are willing to do all of this, shouldn’t you be able to open your mouth and say, “I love you”?  I can think of at least four times in the day when you should tell your wife you love her: 1) when you wake in the morning, 2) when you leave for work, 3) when you come home from work, and 4) when you lay down to go to sleep.  Don’t think four times a day is enough.  Any other time in the day that you can let her know would probably be fine with her as well.  Call, text, leave a note, email, or whatever you can do to tell her how you feel will keep her reminded that she is the most important person in your life and your top priority.

If you can do number 1, numbers 2 and 3 should be easy.

To be continued...

How Little is Your Faith?

Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, "Why could we not drive it out?"  And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.  (Matthew 17:19-20)

Think about this for just a moment.  How little is your faith?  No, I didn't say "How much faith do you have?" or "How big is your faith?"  Yes, I really asked you how little is your faith.

The short conversation from the book of Matthew between Jesus and His disciples took place after a man brought his son, who is described as a lunatic, to the disciples to be healed.  You can understand the desperation of the father for his son to be healed, for the son's condition had often caused him to fall into fire and water, injuring him and perhaps coming close to killing him.  You can almost feel the father's frustration when the disciples were unable to do anything.  Imagine the joy when Jesus placed His hands on the son and spoke the words that cured the condition.  What a wonderful sight it must have been to watch that father walk with his son, for the first time in we don't know how long, without having to worry about what would happen to the boy next.

However, in the aftermath was the frustration and disappointment of the disciples, who seemingly were saying, "Jesus, why didn't it work for us?  We did exactly what we have seen you do!"  When pressed for an answer to this question, Jesus said, "Your faith is too little."

I read this passage a couple of weeks ago, and not for the first time, but this time that statement shook me and made me wonder.  I was reading a story about the men who walked with Jesus closer than any other person ever has.  These were the men that literally wrote the book on faith, penning many of the new testament books.  If these men didn't have faith, then who does?  But, there it was, in black and white, or red and white in the red letter editions.  Jesus was telling these great men that they lacked the basic element to be an effective servant - faith.

I know, He never said that they didn't have any faith.  However, He did tell them that all the faith they needed would be as big as a mustard seed.  That is not very big.  A mustard seed is about 1/20", or about 1 mm.  So, here is this small seed, and the faith of these men is not even that big.  How little and limited must their faith have been, if it couldn't even match up to that little seed?

In his sermon this morning, my pastor, Rob Ray, stated that often we become so enamored and engrossed in methodologies for doing things in the church that we forget to include the God who called us to do the thing.  (Before anyone who was there gets upset, I know this is not an exact quote, but you get the idea!)  I think that is what happened to the disciples here.  They did everything that they had seen Jesus do, but they forgot two key things.  First, the same method will not work for every issue, and second, before you attempt anything, yo have to pray for God's guidance.

This leads me back to my initial question.  How little is your faith?  When you ask God for something, are you trusting Him that He can do what you have asked?  Now, I am NOT saying that if you ask God for something and He doesn't give it that there is a problem with you.  What I am saying is, if it is important enough to go to God with it, go with confidence and know that He will answer your prayer in His time and in His will.  Trust Him that in things small or things large, our God is always for us and will do what is best for us!

Finally, if you are going to exercise faith in prayer, GO BIG!  Now, I am not advocating a "name it and claim it" or prosperity gospel.  That is not what Jesus tells us about the nature of God.  Jesus Himself prayed for the Father's will to be done.  But, Jesus did say that if we asked, God would give.  If you couple these two ideas together, you find that if we are truly walking with God, we will only ask for things that line up with His will.  But, the only way to know His will is to ask.  The worst that can happen is that He says no, but He will guide us to what we need.

So, how little is your faith?  Exercise it, and see if it won't grow!

Times of Trouble

Psalm 3

1 O LORD, how many are my foes! Many are rising against me; 2 many are saying of my soul, there is no salvation for him in God. Selah 3 But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. 4 I cried aloud to the LORD, and he answered me from his holy hill. Selah 5 I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me. 6 I will not be afraid of many thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around. 7 Arise, O LORD! Save me, O my God! For you strike all my enemies on the cheek; you break the teeth of the wicked. 8 Salvation belongs to the LORD; your blessing be on your people! Selah

How many times have we raised a cry for help because it seemed nothing was going right for us? How many times has it seemed that nobody cared about us, and that those people who did care just wanted to hurt us? Every circumstance is negative, every decision a bad one, every relationship failed. The job, the finances, the spouse, the children, and even the church all seemed to plot against us. In times like these, what is a person supposed to do?

When King David wrote this psalm, his son Absalom had led a rebellion against David and had tried to murder him. I can't think of much worse than losing my kingdom and my life because one of my own children tried to kill me. Not only was David facing an enemy in his own son, but Absalom had raised an army to fight against David. He had a lot of support in this temper tantrum and attempted overthrow. David faced more enemies than he could count, and many of them were all saying the same thing - there was no hope, not in David himself, his abilities, or his friends, and certainly not in God. What, then, is a person supposed to do in this circumstance?

Go to sleep.

That's right, just go to sleep. That's what David did. He just went to sleep.

David knew where his protection came from. As hopeless as the situation seemed from a human perspective, David knew that all was not lost. David called Jehovah his shield (protecting him), his glory (giving him his position and place of honor), and the lifter of his head (encouraging him). He also knew exactly how to receive what he neeeded from God. He prayed, and when he prayed, God answered. So David went to sleep.

Sometimes that is all we need to do after we pray. God hears us. God also knows how He is going to take care of us. Sometimes He will give us details, but most of the time he does not. Regardless, we don't have to worry about anything because, as David reminded us, "salvation belongs to the LORD."

So, whatever is going on in your life, pray about it and give it to God. He'll hear and answer. Then, just go to sleep.

Let me know how things work out.